You only get what you’ve deserved – or what you’ve let happen.
Whose flight is delayed? Who’s missing their connection in Montreal and might not make it to Dubai? Who’s being called on the фшкзщке radio – urgent, urgent, Madame M? Who’s taking not three but four flights (and that’s only for now)? Who, of course, has overweight luggage? And who’s so beautiful and obsessed with adventure that attracts it even when it’s not the right time?

I waited and waited forever for my documents. And when they finally came – sending them back to me took forever, too. The embassy lost my passport. Then found it. Eventually. I shifted some stuff into my carry-on -because with this kind of luck, I’m absolutely losing my suitcase too.
Mom sent me a voice message: “You’re taking forever.”
Hurry up already – and take… the black dress.

Yes, take the black dress.
The universe decided to test my ability to claw my way out of the most absurd situations. Sometimes I think I somehow attract them – so much that people around me either marvel or run in horror. What’s illusion and what’s real? With this pace, it’s all a blur.

They’re announcing again – in French now. I tune in. Good – I understand. I flinch from anxiety: if this flight is delayed too, I’ll probably end up flying to Dubai via the Yukon, then detour to Reykjavik, then Helsinki, take a ferry to Tallinn, and from there hop a train from Pskov to Moscow.

— Katya! Can you do anything normally?

Well, absolute normality is already a psychological deviation. 

Human beings are never perfect! Never…

UPD1:
While I was connecting all these cursed flights, my mom messaged right in the air – Grandpa passed away this morning. What is ‘a morning’? The evening of my previous day.

UPD2:
No time to grieve. The suitcase, of course, didn’t make it. I’m distracting myself with bureaucratic idiocracy. Just want to land finally.

UPD3:
Instead of Vancouver–Montreal (delayed), I’m flying Vancouver–Toronto–Montreal to catch my Dubai flight. And guess what? Every! Single! Air Canada flight on my route is delayed!
I’m sitting on the plane in Toronto. Engine maintenance. 😳

UPD4:
My booking from Toronto has disappeared completely! No kidding – I’m told “it’s vanished”!
Air Canada lost my ticket in their system. I run to Emirates to try and catch the Toronto–Dubai flight. Right now. But they close check-in right in front of my face. I call Emirates. They’re begging over the phone the lady at their Emirates check in to let me be on this flight. But she is firm: from Toronto – there are already no seats. Really? It’s only been one minute.

But sometimes… you just hit the wrong person. Then again. And again.

And nothing gets resolved.
Air Canada doesn’t see me in the system and won’t put me on a flight.
Emirates can’t override them – but they’re really trying. These ones are real pro! It goes in circles.

I feel the end of the world approaching. My brain tips into overreaction – massive meltdown over a minor hiccup.

I just stood there in front of Air Canada and warned them – I won’t move from this place and I’m about to start crying. Loudly. And I won’t stop until they get me to Montreal or Dubai.
And I did. Hood up. Full-blown sobbing. Not moving. I wasn’t gonna cry alone in a bathroom anymore – I’m tired. I need my audience.

That’s when they finally came.
Security showed up. One manager. Then another.
I’m not joking! I really did that – not on purpose, I sometimes lose control…

On the third manager – plus Emirates still on the phone – it all worked out.
They threw my passport at me. Threw my phone and my boarding pass at the desk.

UPD5:
Night in Montreal. Flying to Dubai tomorrow.
Air Canada? Zero support. Zero empathy. Aggressive staff.
Emirates? You are my stars today. You handled that madness with Air Canada like champs.
Thank you for being kind. Thank you for existing. 

UPD6:
Twelve hours of peace with Emirates – entire row to myself in priority class.
Sweet care after every possible disaster.

Now on layover in Dubai…
Guess who lost her passport and boarding pass?
Guess. I was so focused and armed with a clear mind that I let my guard down and relaxed just a little too soon.

This needs to be a separate story.

My god, writing all this is saving my poor spotless mind.