Starbucks Seniors vs. Soviet-Era Suffering
From quiet suffering in Moscow to Caribbean cruises in Canada, this reflection contrasts how different cultures treat aging, love, and dignity in the twilight years.
I love Canada because there, things like this are possible:
An 80-year-old grandmother walks into a café with her new partner, holding hands, smiling, no bickering—and tomorrow, they’re off on a Caribbean cruise. Meanwhile, her first husband spends his remaining years peacefully in a high-end care facility—a sort of residential hotel where he has all the amenities, company, an ocean view, leisurely walks, attentive care, medication, and plenty of time for the obligatory grumbling (thanks to his inherited temperament) and growling (courtesy of age-related ailments).
In Russia, it’s a different story:
An 80-year-old grandmother is expected to dutifully tend to her husband, nobly enduring his Parkinson’s, dementia, and naturally explosive temper for the past five years. For decades, she’s been shackled in silent devotion, because acknowledging his infidelities or daring to ask what *she* wants would be improper and shameful. She refuses a home aide because it’s unbecoming for a woman of her standing to share a kitchen table with someone who’s just handled another person’s waste.
And somehow, even in the 21st century, in our country, you still can’t legally lock people in a closet…
For now.
And yes, I was referring to my Grandma’s story who’s right now living with the love of her life who’s going through dementia and Parkinson’s…
We Russians still can’t fully relax and enjoy life. Something simple as seeing older couples cuddle in public feels uncomfortable, even slightly shameful – a trace of Soviet-era restraint where overt affection was often frowned upon. Yet, with The Changing Generation Values “new elders”, raised in a more open era, are gradually becoming more at ease – a subtle but telling sign of changing social norms. “In Soviet times, joy was a luxury, and grief a private burden. We learned to bury both deep—not out of coldness, but because excess emotion drew attention, and attention could be dangerous.”