Movie Nights

Watching shows with J is always a surprise. His life’s more interesting than any script. I laugh: “Netflix made another show about you.” With every show carving into his past and wondering – so different – how to make it together? 

 Watching “complicated-dramatic” movies with J is impossible. He somehow forces himself through them for my sake, but no matter what I pick – it dredges up his buried pain, which feels like carving it out of his heart with a knife. Even simple ones like ‘The Gentlemen’, even ‘Baby Reindeer’. I end up laughing:  

– Netflix made another show about you. 

He doesn’t find it funny at all. But I laugh because, well, some people just live smooth, uncomplicated lives. Being around them feels warm, but it makes me want to run. With J? No books or movies needed. He’s a treasure trove of stories: I’m amazed, shocked, horrified, gripped by hysterical empathy. One person – yet so much inside, layer after layer, each one aching, burning, hiding… and self-dissecting with a scalpel, guided by textbooks.  

– No wonder you don’t sleep at night!” (I’ve never seen insomnia this intricate.)  

Yeah… his personal stories don’t fit inside my TV.

***

We had just started dating back then, and everything about him surprised me – and he probably felt the same about me. It took so much time for our interests to even somewhat align. Back then, I kept thinking: God, I love him so much but how are we even going to make this work – with so very different life experiences and backgrounds?

Well, you don’t need to fit perfectly. If they’re meant to be, they’ll bend, blur, and collide until their edges align. There’re now tricks, no advice. The key is – if they’re meant to be together.